PROGRESS, IDEAS, AND JOURNAL:

November 12, 2024:

Another long hiatus of time has passed. I've been ignoring this site. Can't tell if I'm avoiding it or purposely letting it die. Maybe both.

I don't like to think in those terms. I've still been creating and writing. But life gets busy and other things take center stage. Hoping maybe with the change in weather it will create a cozier atmosphere for indoor creating.

Tomorrow is also my birthday. 30 fucking years old. What the hell. How did that happen? Seems like 25 wasn't too long ago. The pandemic certainly cramped the time into a ball of nothingness so 2 years can be excused for that. But otherwise it's all just chugged along at the same pace as always.

In some ways, this year has been extremely reflective. All of the choices I've made, ideas had, words shared. They all feel profoundly more meaningful this year. As if somehow, when I flip over into the new decade, everything is decided and final. Maybe. But likely not...

Nothing is ever really final in the world. Change is the only constant. In some ways it feels like I've been changing a lot. Letting things go, learning new skills, communicating better, caring for my health, and trying to maintain connections with those who matter to me.

So... here's to 30 I guess. Society likes to market it as the "what are you doing with your life?" birthday. To use it as a way of separating people and their accomplishments. Sure, I'm not a full-blown artist like my college self wanted. But I'm in an amazing relationship with my best friend. Sure, I'm not as skinny as I used to be. But I quit smoking cigarettes and drinking heavily. Sure, I'm not on acres of land with a beautiful house and animals and forest for miles..... but I will be.

Catch me again at 40 and we'll discuss it then ;)

June 20, 2024:

A heat wave has been rolling through and with today being the summer solstice, the timing couldn't be more fitting. Camping was a blast. I felt connected to the water, the earth, the food, the community, all of it. I want to hold on to that feeling, keep it close and bust it out during rough, sad patches of life. My partner and I grew closer in such a short period of time, and we've been communicating on a stronger, deeper level.

More abstract ideas swirl around my head. Need to release some creativity soon. I need to hang items around the house, make room and clear the space. I have such an urge to overhaul my studio. It feels crammed and full of half-assed projects. There's so much more I want to do in there, or redo, or undo. I don't know...just something. Maybe I can try and dedicate some time to that here soon...

Maybe it's a bit of that leftover hoarder in me, but I can't seem to strip myself of creative items. Clothes, furniture, books, etc those all feel passive and almost beg to be given away. But that stupid little pattern paper, or glass bead or strange leftover paint color...those feel way too valuable. But space is even more valuable and I don't have much of it to work with.

Work boredom has me thinking of all the things I'd rather be doing. I obsess and research and get worked up in figuring these things out. But I have to remember the feeling in the woods: weightless, no rushing, nothing needing done. That's how things will actually get done. If I can release the pressure... and let it flow.

June 12, 2024:

Sunny day. Just today and tomorrow to get through before we head out to a camping music festival. I'm pretty excited. I want to really let loose. Forget my responsibilities and worries for a damn change. I'm always so caught up in being "good" and "hard working" that sometimes I forget it's okay to have fun once and awhile.

I've had a lot of creative ideas buzzing too. Mostly the continued abstracts, and I must admit I am really trying to understand my style. My mom asked me to possibly paint portraits of other cats like I did before.... which is over 7-8 years ago now. Begrudgingly I admitted those skills aren't as easily accessed anymore. I made those when I was learning, peak performance and creative height. But in my usual pleasing way, I told her I would try.

Maybe it would be a good challenge. Help define my areas of strength and weakness. I'd really love to have a more clear definition of my work in that way.

Still playing with texture and words and some of my now "older" shapes and patterns. This image below is a semi recent attempt at this. Trying to blend it all. I've been really wanting to create some sort of creature, figure, being, etc. Not exactly sure how I want it to look. More to come though...

May 21, 2024:

Tuesday. Middle of the week, barely. Probably my least favorite day for sure. It feels like there's so much time to get through. Travelled out of state this past weekend to a quiet cabin. It was nice, being in the woods, listening to nature and being off the grid. I love reading again and getting time for that was epic.

The descent back into reality, though, felt fast and sloppy. Random, bullshit tasks and problems have been stressing me out. Trying to find center again. Wish I could have captured that feeling from the woods, or just capture feelings in general. Like in a glass jar, stored away. So that you can break them out and use them whenever you need a boost.

Our tortoise friend is settling in. It was tough getting all the right specs for temperature/humidity/diet/etc but we are working on it. He seems to enjoy our company. Final touches and decor to his tank should make it perfect.

I've got a mix of ideas for art but they haven't manifested yet. Want to hang more pieces around the house too, stare at them, think, dream, anything. Ideas always come around when you least expect it...

May 2, 2024:

Seems like ages have passed. New month brings about new energy. I feel alive with the warmth of the sun. The air is pleasant. I visited the pond near my work building and admired all the fish and turtles. Simple pleasures are sometimes all you need.

My partner and I are planning to add a tortoise friend to our family. We've been giddy about it, and frankly I'm excited to have a reptile. My family has never explored more than plain freshwater fish, outside of our array of fur balls. It will be fascinating to learn and care for this small creature.

Painting again feels good too. I've been looking at a lot of inspirational pictures. Texture, lines, shapes, movements of color. I want to play with all the creativity. Tried a layering process with texture as shown below. The transition feels a little unfamiliar and not "me" per say. But that's progress I guess...

Trying to capture movement and motion. I will keep playing with these ideas.

April 24, 2024:

I've started to track emotions and moods on my phone, thanks to the latest update. It's been kind of nice, actually. Breaking down the different feelings throughout the day. Because in all truth, nothing is consistent, especially feelings.

Sometimes I feel bad making personal gains during my work day. I've never had a job where half of my duties are just "being present". It's boring at times honestly. But in the lull, I've learned to thrive. More time to do research, look up fun recipes to try, view art inspiration, read news, everything. It's helped me feel more accomplished and satisfied, in a sense. My phone barely gets service in the building, so I also avoid social media.

I'm also feeling a buzz of creativity from the weekend. Started a new abstract work pictured below. It's getting there, but still feels flat. Wanting more pop. I've considered also trying a more textured minimalist approach based on some inspiration. More on that soon...

April 8, 2024:

A shift of focus and interest. I've been slowly adjusting to my new schedule and finally feel comfortable in this environment. There is something innately creative about it? Although it might not seem like it from the outside, I've been brimming with thoughts and ideas.

Ironically...these are not art ideas! Instead I've been dabbling with writing. Stories. Adventures. Characters. The inside of my head finally pouring out in ways that my artwork has never quite been able to capture. It's rather liberating and touching an organizational nerve I didn't know I needed to feel.

I've always been a rather neat person, despite the artist cliche. Is this a crossover episode? Ha, kidding. I feel rather silly today after staring at the eclipse. I think I will paint something about it.

Separately, I expect to start filling the blanks here more often. I plan to post more writing samples and possibly find a way to incorporate some of my lost, random art experiments as well. My phone service unfortunately sucks here, so I will be conducting some old school methods to upload photos and play with some editing. Stay tuned friends!

January 26, 2024:

New year, major changes. I've been away from my website and art for a long while now. Possibly the longest stint away in my entire creative career. This may be more info than I like to share out in the world, but sometimes an explanation is needed.

Fell into a strange place. A dark, uncertainty held me down and refused to let go. It was suffocating. I had very little that interested me. The day to day felt overwhelming and confusing. Every other moment I felt like crying, and minor inconveniences angered me to the core. Even my partner was unable to shake me from this endless spiral.

Eventually in September, I decided to visit the doctor for the first time in over 5 years. It was an emotional visit. I got myself medication and a new plan.

From there on it was clear something needed to change. My environment was stifling and stressful. The job that I had been working at for what seemed like forever suddenly became the immediate enemy. The whole place was cracking at the seams. If I remained any longer, it was going to cave in.

So began a very tedious hunt for a new job. No one tells you how hard that part is either. The constant waiting. The rejections. The defeat and false hope. It became a new challenge.

But, with luck and perseverance, I managed to snag a very different position. It's been really good so far. A much slower, more detailed pace. Less stress. Closer to home. All positive things. In a short time my entire world has changed. A new routine and daily schedule.

Other aspects of life have come back into focus too, including creative feelings. I have a more consistent urge to write again. Painting has become fun once more, experimenting and not letting the idea of "making money off this" cloud my playfulness.

I can't wait to see what this new year has in store. More to come soon, I promise.

August 24, 2023:

My, my how time has passed. Gallery show opening was amazing and really loved all the support.

But since then life has been a bit rough following suit. Struggling to find the right motivation, and considering some major life changes. More thoughts and research needed before making any moves. Learning to be more neutral and relaxed when life decides to throw curveballs. It's a journey and I'm grateful to have a supportive partner helping me through these times...

June 12, 2023:

Summer busy times are upon us. Work is keeping pace and I've been distracted. Slowly working on some smaller more affordable pieces. These pieces are fun and simple and even on the sad and quiet days, they can bring out a positive flow. Mostly they resemble faces, or bugs, and I've often thought of them as a "metamorphosis" of sorts.

Looking to get some frames and mats (like this piece) ready for sale and listings. Possibly getting a huge grouping of them together in one piece. Hmmm...let's see what we can do.

May 23, 2023:

Wow what a whirlwind! A bit of a rainy start but successful fest from the weekend. I normally feel a buzz, but instead I feel a low hum. Perhaps all the prep and talk about the event, then it happened so fast my brain hasn't processed everything yet.

Taking a few days off work this coming week to hopefully push through some new inspiration as I just had a slight breakthrough on some ideas and what I'm really trying to capture in my current work.

A little sneak peak as I get to it...

May 3, 2023:

The weather has been cold and dreary as of late. Not the fresh and warm spring we all hoped for. Feels draining.

Day job work has gotten busy and thus distracted me from progress on my own work. Why do we go through these cycles? How does one harness energy and motivation consistently? It feels so elusive sometimes...

And lately all I wanna do is eat and listen to relaxing ASMR (yes guilty as charged). Maybe that's what is needed this week. Ebbs over flows right now.

April 13, 2023:

Spring has finally sprung and the air is full of new energy and joy. Feeling grateful. I've been spending more time in the studio trying some new, small things and I feel close to a breakthrough.

Gathering prints and items for the show in May, which is only about a month away. More updates to come soon!

March 6, 2023:

New month, new moves. The business side of art is both boring and thrilling. Some aspects feel good like adding products and stock. But pricing feels wrong. Either too much or too little. How about shipping? What about cost of products? It's so many more numbers and physical understanding than I would have ever guessed. Learning and learning. Some items are ready and processing on others. After that, next step is sales and marketing. Another hot and burning fire of competition. Whirlwind.

Need to get some more items created with the ideas floating in my head. I want to figure out how to add pictures to this section of the website as well. Hmm, unclear at this point.

EDIT: figured it out!

February 9, 2023:

Today is my momma's birthday. She's been one of my biggest supporters over the years, but also the realest. She reminds me to be practical while I explore the dreamy clouds of ideas. Keeping going without letting go. Learning and reading. All of the best inspiration. Happy Birthday Mom, and thank you.

I'm a bit stuck on some newer ideas lately. There's things in mind but getting them executed is the issue. More to come soon though. I will not let the negatives or sleepy days put me behind.

January 12th, 2023:

Learning more everyday. The business side of the art making is still so vague to me. Need to continue to look at inspiration and keep working steadily. Photo plans coming soon.

January 5th, 2023:

Today I worked on some pieces for the first time in forever. This feels good. Being off work today and tomorrow means many more updates here.

Been thinking about dreams a lot lately. A piece today became very dreamy and strange.